[Croaker #CP#V] Disorder in the Court

edited March 2002 in General Discussion

Comments

  • edited December 1969
    These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters, who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. The last one's a gem.

    Q: Are you sexually active?
    A: No, I just lie there.
    ________

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July fifteenth.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.
    ________

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ________

    A: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
    ________

    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.
    ________

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.
    ________

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.
    ________

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    ________

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
    ________

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    ________

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?
    ________

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?
    ________

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
    ________

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?
    ________

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    ________

    Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.
    ________

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
    ________

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
  • edited December 1969
    Re: Disorder in the Court

    Did this book just get republished or something? Is someone pumping it on a website that you visited? I ask because someone posted the same list over at the Geezers' message board yesterday.
  • edited December 1969
    Re: Disorder in the Court

    Hasn't this list of "true courtroom quotations" (true because it says so!) been floating around the Net since forever?

    --Tom (MH)

    image
  • edited December 1969
    Re: Disorder in the Court

    I was on the set of Days of our Lives last night and one of the actors gave it to me. He got it from an email a friend sent him.

  • edited December 1969
    Re: Disorder in the Court

    I was on the set of Days of our Lives last night...

    Somehow, this disturbs me...

    Bert bin Laudin
  • edited December 1969
    Aye, it's been floating around for at least 2 years...

    I was on the set of Days of our Lives last night and one of the
    actors gave it to me. He got it from an email a friend sent him.

    But I'd still love to find the book if it is one...some of those are funny as hell..

    McGyver
  • edited December 1969
    Re: Aye, it's been floating around for at least 2 years...

    But I'd still love to find the book if it is one...some of those
    are funny as hell..

    It's definitely a real book. I've seen it. I bet you could find it at Amazon.

  • edited December 1969
    Re: Disorder in the Court

    Hmm.. Days of our Lives.. Isn't that filmed on the WB lot? having that huge place three blocks from my house keeps me wondering exactly what goes on there.

    That list is classic..made me laugh much much too loud for my own good. Mucho gracias. *8)

    -Santa


  • edited December 1969
    Long time no hear Stranger! type a letter every now and then! ;-) [nt]


  • edited December 1969
    Re: Disorder in the Court

    Hmm.. Days of our Lives.. Isn't that filmed on the WB lot?
    having that huge place three blocks from my house keeps me
    wondering exactly what goes on there.

    -Santa

    Three blocks form the WB studios? Maybe we should get together at the Burbank El Torito (the Mrs. and I love their food) or maybe The Smokehouse (after we all get big bonuses, of course). :^)
  • edited December 1969
    Re: Disorder in the Court

    Three blocks form the WB studios? Maybe we should get together
    at the Burbank El Torito (the Mrs. and I love their food) or
    maybe The Smokehouse (after we all get big bonuses, of course).
    :^)

    Whatcha MEAN!?!?! The Smokehouse offers "Fine Food At A Reasonable Price" *8)

    Yeah man.. would be great *8)

    Actually I walked to work last night (past the Smokehouse and WB) to time it. Yes.. I was walking in LA *grin*. Only a half hour even up that damn mountain.

    Ack.. gotta bopp... be well guys

    -Santa

  • edited December 1969
    Had no idea you were so close.

    Days is shot at NBC. I work there all the time. We should definately hang out one night. I'll take you to Crazy Girls in Hollywood for some drinks after work if you're up to it (the girls will just love you), or if there's something you've wanted to do or see we'll go there. Hell, grab an L.A. Weekly at your local liquor store and make a list.

  • edited December 1969
    Re: Had no idea you were so close.

    Sounds like a great time man *8).

    Sat at a stop light in front of NBC today at lunch, even. Saw a herd of Tonight Show people waiting for the cameras of the Chin to steal their souls.

    As much as I like to make fun of it, it is kinda cool to eat at the same Quizno's as Jay Leno. *smirk*

    Lets get together!

    -Santa

    Days is shot at NBC. I work there all the time. We should
    definately hang out one night. I'll take you to Crazy Girls in
    Hollywood for some drinks after work if you're up to it (the
    girls will just love you), or if there's something you've wanted
    to do or see we'll go there. Hell, grab an L.A. Weekly at your
    local liquor store and make a list.


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